Guarantees, Upkeep and Disclaimers
Ashes to Ashes Guarantee
The "Ashes to Ashes" guarantee on all Monstrosity pipes is like no other. Each adopted Monstrosity comes with a lifetime guarantee against burnout, stem breakage and even bite through. If the problem can not be fixed, you are entitled to the next pick of the litter. Are you a clencher like me and worried that you'll bite through a stem? The maimed stems work great for clenchers due to the texture. If you chew through it, I will replace it. Color of stem and stain vary with stock. Here's one pipe you'll never be afraid to knock around and get ugly. You're not only purchasing functional art, you're getting peace of mind.
Each Italian block has been seasoned and most all stock now comes from Mimo in Italy. The specific land area each Monstrosity comes from is a place known for having soil comprised of equal parts eccentricity, strangeness and general disregard for normalcy which seeps into the briar for years before it is loudly extracted from the earth. Harvested by only the bravest, no exporter will actually lay claim to the birth of any Monstrosity.
Each Monstrosity pipe has vowed (in writing) to be a fine smoker to it's potential owner. These written records are kept at the Oom Palace should they ever be needed for the Owner’s sake. If you are dissatisfied with your Monstrosity for any reason, please contact us immediately and we will take whatever measures necessary to rectify the situation with your beast. Monstrosity pipes love to flaunt their very existence, scars, and lacerations with strange pride.
Monstrosity pipes each come with their own sock or box. Socks and boxes often arrived scarred, burned and beat up. Monstrosity pipes do not like to be held in a new place too long. Please extract quickly and carefully and feed as soon as possible. If traveling with a Monstrosity, please, please, take the sock or box with you. All I wish to say about this is, an ounce of prevention, my friend...it keeps us all happy. Monstrosities eventually become accustomed to their new habitats (sock or box) but are very happy outside of thier abodes so long as they are "calming," which is the word they use for being smoked.
You will notice that each Monstrosity contains no fills, but instead, flaunts pits, scratches, cuts, etc. When cleaning, please only concern yourself with the inner workings of the pipe. Monstrosities wear their aging like badges of honor and will fervently, dramatically, and sometimes even violently reject outer cleaning and buffing of any kind. The small amount of carnuba wax they arrive with on their outer skin and scales should be the last they ever see. Should you decide to buff your Monstrosity or better yet, request a professional to buff your Monstrosity without warning them of the nature of your beast, we can not be responsible for any ensuing "incidents." Should you be lucky enough to acquire one of the Monstrosities with a vulcanite stem, revel in the oxidation as much as your beast will.
If oxidation happening at the point of contact becomes more than you personally desire, treat only this area. Even then, please treat this area if you absolutely must, only after wrestling with the question for 7 or more nights.
At the request of each beast, most bowls are carbon coated. Do not add anything except your favorite tobacco when you are ready to smoke. At break in, Monstrosities are known to playfully wrestle, scratch and nip.
I would like to thank Mark Tinsky (www.amsmoke.com) and Jon Rinaldi (www.jrinaldipipes.com) for their incredible help with my Monstrosity brood when I first began creating them. They were both incredibly instrumental in bringing these creatures into the world the first 2 years of this venture (the earliest Monstrosity pipes began in 2008.)
In 2010 and again in 2011, I was able to undergo a type of apprenticeship under master carver Todd Johnson. Each session was about a week long. We worked long hours each day and the amount of information I received was mind boggling. Since that point, I began doing everything from the ground up myself. Almost all my briar comes from Mimo in Italy and is quite beautiful. In the art of pipe making as with my painting, I am forever a student, yet always an artist. As a classically trained artist (I studied painting as well as graphic design at the Savannah College of Art and Design,) I approach pipe making in a very unique way. I have a serious love for the natural elements of the wood and hope you will find each beast to bring a twist to the pipe world and a smile to your face while affording you a fantastic smoke.
Any injury resulting from improper or proper handling of a Monstrosity, while surely a tragedy, is not our responsibility. If you choose to become the owner of a Monstrosity, you also acquire the responsibility for its behavior and actions. You are now warned.